Twenty-fourth Sermon, second part (paras 2428–2464)

To avoid all anger, two things have to be observed, one by those who have to deal with passionate people, the other by those who are easily excited to anger. The former must be very careful to give the latter no cause for offence, once they know them to be easily excited; they must never dispute with, or contradict them, and they must avoid everything which they know to be a likely cause of anger to them; besides, they must bear with any annoyance which the others cause them, in a spirit of meekness and patience, for God's sake, in order, to preserve peace and quiet; and they may console themselves with the assurance that they have the very best opportunity of increasing their virtue, and gaining great merit in Heaven, by practising this patience and self-denial. But if it is quite evident that the other is determined on getting into a passion, then there is nothing to do but to follow the advice of St. Paul: "Give place to wrath;" that is, let the angry man have his way; keep silent, and let him say and do what he will, until his anger is over; go out of his way, out of his sight if possible; do not attempt to excuse yourself, although you are innocent; apologize to him as if he had reason to be vexed with you. This meekness will overcome his anger, and when he comes to himself, it will make him admire your virtue, acknowledge his own fault, feel ashamed of himself and have a greater esteem and love for you. In a word, if there is no one to contradict, there is no occasion for anger and bad temper.

Oh, if all, married people especially, understood this beautiful art, and constantly practised it towards each other, what quarrels and discord and misunderstandings, along with the numerous sins that spring from them, would be avoided in families! But, alas, they do not understand it, and therefore, neither will give way, neither will remain silent; both strive to have the last word, and of course thus they give rise to the bitterest family quarrels! They are like that married couple who always disagreed on a certain day every year; and do you know why, my dear brethren? They once had some roast fowl for dinner, and they differed in opinion as to what kind of birds they were. The husband said they were blackbirds, the wife maintained that they were fieldfares; they had a great dispute about the matter, and at last came to blows. Next year, when the same day came round, the husband said to his wife: Do you remember how foolish we were last year, to fight about the blackbirds? Yes, answered she, and it was your fault; they were fieldfares, not blackbirds. And so they began the dispute again as bad as ever, and repeated it every year when the day came. It is certainly a most ludicrous affair, my dear brethren. But do not people act just as foolishly nowadays in many households? One contradicts the other, and neither will give way, in matters that are not of the least importance, and thus discord and hatred arise, and married life is turned into a regular purgatory, to be followed very often by the eternal pains of hell!

How much annoyance we should save ourselves, how many sins should we avoid, if we only had a little Christian patience in bearing with our neighbor's shortcomings, and in practising mutual forbearance! When Cardinal Bellarmine saw any of the members of his household quarrelling, he used to say that an ounce of charity is worth a hundred wagon-loads of right:

thereby showing that in a quarrel, there should be no question as to who is right, and who is wrong, for that only makes matters worse, but each one should be ready to give up his opinion for the sake of preserving peace and concord. When your husband, or wife, or any one, no matter who, begins to quarrel with you, remember what Christian charity and patience require of you, and do not contradict; keep silence. Yes, you say, but I have not given any cause for a quarrel; I am treated unjustly. No matter; you must not forget that an ounce of patience and charity is worth a hundred wagon-loads of right. But I am quite certain that I am right and the other wrong! No matter; it still remains true that an ounce of patience is worth a hundred wagon-loads of right. You cannot do a better thing than give up your right for the sake of preventing anger, discord, hatred and many other sins.

And what advice have I to give those who are of a passionate disposition, and who are easily excited to anger? What means must they use in order to control and overcome this evil inclination? I answer, that, next to humble, daily prayer to God for the virtue of Christian meekness, the best means is for them to foresee, as far as possible, when they are calm, the occasions, objects, or circumstances that are likely to move them to anger, to imagine that those occasions are now really present, and then to arm the mind against them by a firm resolution not to give way to anger. For instance: you might say to yourself. This evening my husband will come home drunk; what shall I do? To-day my wife will contradict and speak sharply to me; my children will disturb me with their noise; my neighbor will meet me in the street, and will not speak to me; the people will make fun of me; when I go into company I shall be made a laughing-stock of; my work will be a failure, etc. Shall I therefore give way to anger and bad temper? No; I shall restrain my anger for God's sake; not a curse, nor a wicked word shall fall from my lips; I shall keep silent, and act as if the matter did not concern me at all. In that way one can be beforehand with anger and prevent it from breaking out; and as a misfortune that we anticipate causes less affliction than when it comes unexpectedly, so also we can make injuries and annoyances less by foreseeing them.

Again, if you find that something suddenly occurs to provoke you to anger, go away, so as not to see it. It may be your neighbor who insults you in the street; go at once into your house and shut the door. If you are annoyed by some one in your own house, go into another room, or else to the Church, and pray to God for patience, until your anger has passed away. If you cannot go away, nor otherwise avoid the annoyance, keep perfectly still; do not speak a word; undertake nothing, make no resolution, until your resentment has subsided; because you cannot act prudently while your reason is disturbed by passion. Such was the advice that a certain philosopher gave the emperor Augustus: Whenever you feel inclined to anger, he said, you must repeat the letters of the alphabet from beginning to end, over and over again, until your anger has passed; in that way you will neither do nor say anything that you will have to repent of afterwards. The emperor Theodosius, acting on the advice of St. Ambrose, published a law forbidding any malefactor condemned to death to be executed, until thirty days had elapsed after the sentence was pronounced against him. The pious emperor knew well that it would be unjust not to give a poor wretch who was condemned to death by an enraged sovereign, any respite until the latter's anger had passed over. It was a remarkable saying that Architas made use of when he returned home from a foreign country, and found that his steward had allowed his property to go to ruin: If I were not angry, said he to the careless steward, I should punish you severely; And in acting thus he showed great wisdom, although he was a heathen, for he knew that while his reason was disturbed by anger, he could not inflict just punishment. Christian parents and married people, you should profit by this example. You are bound to chastise your children when they deserve it; you must administer parental punishment to your children and servants when they do not serve you or their God properly; but you must be very careful not to inflict this punishment when you are in a passion, for if passion puts the rod in your hand, you are apt to exceed the bounds of moderation, and to have recourse to abuse and cursing, which will make the punishment fruitless. Defer it then to some other time, when your reason will be undisturbed, and you can chastise your children and servants with fatherly love.

Finally, if in spite of your resolution, you are carried away by anger, you must at once enter into yourself and repent of your fault and beg of God to forgive you for having offended Him. Think and say to yourself; what have I gained by getting in a passion? Was it worth while to allow myself to be so disturbed?

What a number of foolish things I have said! If I had borne with the annoyance patiently for God's sake, I should have gained a beautiful crown in Heaven; as it is, I have only scandalized my neighbor and incurred the wrath of God. Then renew your resolution of being more careful in future, and impose some penance on yourself, such as saying certain prayers, or giving alms whenever you give away to ill-temper. You will thus, with the help of God's grace, conquer yourself little by little, and practise Christian meekness.

I conclude with the words of the Prophet David: "Be ye angry and sin not." Be angry and displeased when God is offended, and, if you can, chastise and prevent the sins of others. But if a man has to suffer anything from his neighbor, he must practise charity, patience and meekness. Always remember, says Seneca, who it is that causes you annoyance or insults you. Is he a child? Then you must have pity on his youth. He does not know that he is doing wrong. Is it a grown-up person whom you have offended? Why should you be angry with him? You offended him first. Is it some one who insults you through sheer malice? Then you must not be surprised at what he does, nor must you be angry with him, for he has already punished himself by being so wicked. No matter who has injured you, you should not forget that he is your neighbor, that you are bound to love him as yourself, and to return good for evil. "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so you shall fulfill the law of Christ; such is the advice that St. Paul gives us, and according to it, we must overlook each other's faults and failings. There is no one without faults which sometimes make him troublesome to others, yet these latter must bear those faults with patience. If, then, you are offended, you must think to yourself: I have offended others, or there is something in me which is displeasing to them; they must be patient with me, and of course I must be patient with them. "In your patience you shall possess your souls," says Christ. How patient one is with a querulous old man, or a troublesome sick person, or an eccentric and headstrong relative, when he hopes to inherit a large sum of money from him! How patient courtiers are! What annoyances and slights does not one bear through fear of displeasing men! And shall we be less diligent in practising patience for God's sake and to avoid displeasing Him, although He commands us to be meek, patient and kind to our fellow-men?

Always keep before your eyes Our Lord, Jesus Christ. How gentle and patient He was with His disciples, while they were still very ignorant! How gentle and patient He was with the greatest sinners! How gentle and patient He was towards those who mocked, scourged and crucified Him! "Who when He was reviled, did not revile," as St. Peter says, "when He suffered He threatened not, but delivered Himself to him that judged Him unjustly." And as Isaias prophesied of Him: "He shall be led as a sheep to the slaughter, and shall be dumb as a lamb before his shearer, and He shall not open His mouth." "Learn of Me, for I am meek and humble of heart." If these words do not help you to restrain your anger, what can do it? St. Martin was very much troubled and annoyed by one of his priests named Brizius; but he would not turn him away, although many advised him to do so. Whenever that advice was given him, the holy man would answer: "Christ bore with Judas, and shall not I bear with Brizius?" So, too, should you say when you have anything to suffer from your neighbor; Christ bore with Judas who betrayed Him, and shall I refuse to be patient with my fellow-man, because he looks at me in an unfriendly manner? Shall I quarrel with my friend, because he has let fall some thoughtless expression? Christ bore with the traitor Judas; ought I not to be patient with my troublesome husband, with my obstinate wife, with my noisy child, with my disobedient servant; and should I not meet my disagreeable neighbor kindly? Yes, O my Lord and my God, how Thou puttest me to shame when I consider Thy example! Thou wert mildness itself amongst the wicked wretches who were torturing Thee, and I, a poor sinner, so readily give way to anger against my own brethren when they happen to do anything against my will! Thou art silent while they spit in Thy face and strike and abuse Thee, and I, a miserable mortal, must curse and swear and abuse others, if they contradict me in the least! Thou wert patient even to the shameful death of the Cross, and I cannot control my anger for a single day; the least thing puts me in a passion! Ah, my meek Saviour, let me learn of Thee at last to be meek and humble of heart! This very day I shall begin! Help me by Thy powerful grace.