Chapter XIV
Consideration for the Anniversary of One’s Profession
I
It is already so many years since I belong to God by the vows of religion, and this is the anniversary of the happy day on which I gave myself unreservedly to Him. What did I intend, or should have intended, to do in making my profession? To consecrate myself wholly and unreservedly to God, that I might be all His all the days of my life in this holy state. To Him I consecrated my mind, that I might not think any longer of anything besides Him, that I might occupy myself with nothing but Him, and renounce all care of things earthly and transitory. To Him I consecrated my heart, that I might love nothing besides Him, that I might love Him alone, and cling to Him alone, and direct to Him alone all my inclinations and affections. To Him I consecrated my body and its senses, that I might make of them so many offerings ready to suffer all, and even death itself, for His love and honor. To Him I consecrated my soul, my whole self, that I might be of the number of His constantly true friends, who have wholly dedicated themselves to His service and already here on earth imitate the angels; in a word, that I might be espoused to Jesus Christ. Such was my object, my intention, when I consecrated myself to God. I then realized the extent of the obligations I assumed, and promised to discharge them most faithfully.
II
But how have I fulfilled these obligations? Here, O Lord, I must judge myself and pass due sentence over myself in accordance with the obligations I so fervently assumed. Am I really a victim wholly and exclusively consecrated to God? Is my soul truly the spouse of Christ, the heavenly Bridegroom? Is my mind occupied with no other object than with Him alone and with His infinite perfections? Does my heart cling to no one else than to Him and His infinite loveliness? Have I offered my body and my senses to Him as a victim? Am I really dead to the world and to myself and to creatures? Has my life been really like that of an angel, and an imitation of Christ’s? Is it He alone who has hitherto lived in me and quickened my whole conduct with His spirit? What am I in reality before Him, and how does He look upon me?
