Chapter XVII
Preparation for Marriage
When your children are nearing the marriageable age it behooves you seriously to impart to them the necessary advice and instruction concerning the dignity and sanctity of the Sacrament of Matrimony, the importance of finding out the will of God in their regard, and of making due preparation for its worthy reception. You should also carefully instruct them concerning the very grave duties and responsibilities of the married state. Far from seeking, as some do, the counsel of fortune-tellers, you ought yourselves to pray, and to cause your children to pray, constantly and fervently, that they may discover God’s holy will, and meet the partners He Himself may have destined for them. If you have acquired, as you should, perfect control over them and gained their entire confidence, they will not undertake anything in so serious a matter without your advice. Counsel them in all love and kindness, and without selfishness. If your views do not coincide with theirs, do not yield to passion or prejudice, but be sure to give good reasons for your advice, otherwise it will be unheeded and despised.
Watch carefully over your children, lest they begin to keep company with persons whom they should not marry. To this class belong all married persons, all those who are divorced, all relatives, unbelievers, Protestants, Jews, irreligious persons, members of secret societies; as well as all who are physically or morally unfit to discharge properly the duties of the married state, such as those who are too young, too frivolous, the idle, the dissipated, the intemperate, gamblers, and other worthless characters. Moreover, an undutiful son usually makes a bad husband, and an undutiful daughter will be a bad wife. Do all you can to impress on the minds of your children that none of the aforesaid are fit to be their partners in life, or competent to help them to save their souls, or to bring up a family of children in a Christian manner. Remind them that no reliance is to be placed on the promises of such persons before marriage, for these promises are usually broken after marriage.
Seriously warn your sons against private company keeping, using all the gentle means in your power to induce them to heed your advice on this important point. As to your daughters, do not allow them to receive the visits of young men, except in your own house and in your own presence, or at least in the presence of some very respectable person. Too great importance cannot be attached to this point. It is very sinful for you to leave your daughter alone at night with a man, whether in your own house, or promenading about the streets, or frequenting places of amusement. There is always danger, and even great danger, though both were as pure as angels; and the danger is much the greater on account of their youth, their inexperience, and their growing mutual affection. Careless parents, when you are saying your night prayers, when you have retired to rest, where are your sons and daughters? What are they doing? Perhaps their souls are in danger, and you are sleeping quietly! Barbarous and cruel parents, you would watch and use every precaution to save your house, your furniture, your jewelry, your money from danger, and yet you quietly leave your own dear daughter exposed to seduction, disgrace, and eternal perdition, without making the slightest effort to protect her! How many other girls more pure, more innocent, more virtuous than your daughter have been utterly ruined through the sinful and damnable neglect of parents like yourselves! Beware lest a similar fate befall your own daughter!
You ought to follow the noble example of that truly Christian mother in Paris whose daughter was engaged, with her consent, to marry a young physician. The young man had never even for a moment seen his intended out of her mother’s presence and hearing. About ten days previous to the day appointed for the wedding he called to see the young lady, saying he had some important private communication to make. The good mother kindly but firmly told him that he could not, under any consideration, see her daughter in private. “Why, madam,” he said, “are we not soon to be married?” “True,” replied the mother, “but she is not yet your wife; until then she remains entirely under my charge, and I am wholly responsible for her; and I will never allow her to converse with any man in private. If you have anything to say to her, you must say it in my presence; if what you have to communicate to her is right and proper, you cannot reasonably object to my hearing it.” The young physician, who was endowed with piety and common-sense, then informed the lady that, having directed a novena of masses to be celebrated in the parish church to draw down the divine blessing on their marriage, he desired to apprise his intended of it, and request her to assist at the masses, and thus prepare for the worthy reception of the Sacrament of Matrimony. The mother at once called her daughter, who in her presence was made acquainted with all this, and acquiesced in all the arrangements. Would that all mothers were as prudent as this truly Christian mother!
