p. 29The Picture Finished

Can all these difficulties and dangers be overcome? We reply: There are, thank God, very many fathers who, although exposed to these difficulties and dangers, are nevertheless very good Christians. It comes ever and always to this: If you wish to lead a Christian life you must have a firm, determined, good will; then with the grace of God you can overcome danger and temptation. What, then, is to be done?

Do Not Multiply Difficulties Without Necessity

No doubt necessity and unavoidable circumstances, as work, business, cares, and diversions, leave many a father little time to instruct his children as he would wish to instruct them. This is so much to be deplored that we may hope in such cases the Lord himself by his grace will supply to the children what the father, through no fault of his own, fails to give them.

But we cannot reasonably entertain this hope if the father overloads himself with work or business without weighty reason, or through ambition or an inordinate desire of gain. Such an unreasonable devotion to the world and worldly affairs will work evil to himself; it will destroy his soul and cause the most important work of his life—the good education of his children—to be neglected, or not performed in a proper manner.

The conscientious father is careful, and he must be, to confine his work or business to moderate limits, corresponding to his necessities and circumstances.

Is this not done in all important matters? If a man has an undertaking involving important consequences he seeks to lay aside or defer everything that may hinder its success or render it doubtful; he further makes every arrangement that may conduce to its success. And as long as he has it at heart it will, to a certain extent, succeed. But is there any business or undertaking that can be compared, even remotely, in importance and consequences to the task of the father? In this case, then, we have a right to expect the same, yes, more care and attention, to do everything to insure success.

What is it that most interests those who are overburdened with business or work? Is it not the welfare of their children? It is for them they acquire, for them they persevere in work; they have in view their support, advancement, and temporal welfare. Well, then, if they have so much at heart the temporal welfare of their children should they not have more at heart their eternal happiness? Is it just to them to so devote yourself to their temporal welfare that you become incapable of doing anything for their eternal happiness? Is this not cruelty to them? It most certainly is. When you devote yourself so entirely to worldly occupations you have no time to attend properly to their salvation.

Christian father, observe moderation in your temporal occupations. Do not throw yourself entirely into worldly affairs. Do not entangle yourself in every undertaking. Take care to so regulate your affairs and occupations that you will still have time to devote to your children; that you will have leisure to do for them that which will aid yourself to make progress in the spiritual life, so that you may be a truly Christian father. Take care that in all your various occupations you will pay proper and due attention to your daily prayers, to divine service, to frequenting the holy sacraments, and to devoting yourself to other works of Christian piety.

Avoid Danger

I. Dangers Against Faith

The greatest danger for every Christian, and therefore for every Christian father, is to be found in those things which endanger or tend to undermine his faith. Faith is the foundation of all Christian life, and consequently a necessary condition of true happiness for man in time and eternity. How wretched is the life of man here on earth without faith! How terrible his anticipations of eternity! “He that believeth not shall be condemned,” says the Lord, and his word is truth.

The greatest misfortune for man, therefore, is to suffer shipwreck of his faith; the greatest sin when he breaks allegiance to faith and Church. And if such a misfortune befalls a father the foundation of a Christian education is swept away from under the feet of his children, and thus the essential condition of their true welfare is made impossible for time and eternity. Oh, unspeakable misfortune to a family when the father has lost his faith or even wavers in it!

And yet how great is the danger which besets a father in these evil days, when he is compelled to associate daily and hourly with men who waver in their faith, who have become unbelievers, who mock at religion and faith, and make the teachings and practices of the holy Church a laughing stock; when he reads books written by unbelieving and immoral men and replete with their sentiments; when he takes periodicals and papers which never tire in ridiculing the holy Church and her teachings; and when, in addition to all this, he leads that sensual and idle life which conduces to gluttony and intemperance. In fact, it would almost require a miracle to preserve faith under such circumstances, for there are so many dangerous paths leading to sin and licentiousness which are so many highways to infidelity.

O Christian father, remember your children, and while you are fondly thinking of them consider what a precious treasure faith is to you, their father. Faith is indeed the most necessary condition for your children to receive that which God wills they should obtain through you, namely, the gift of true Christian sentiments and a life corresponding to them. Guard therefore carefully a treasure in which you and your children will find, in the strict sense of the word, every blessing for time and eternity. Avoid as far as possible everything that may endanger your faith. Avoid all intimate intercourse with persons who have no faith, or not the true faith. Reject with disdain every book, paper, or periodical which contains attacks against the Church, religion, and good morals.

Do not imagine that all this will not or cannot injure you. If you are hesitating in your faith it will positively do you harm and surely destroy your faith. But even if you are firm in your faith such intercourse and such readings will do you injury. They will gradually but surely have the same effect on the life of your soul that the cold north wind has on nature in spring; its growth is checked, buds and blossoms are blighted, and many a tree in full bloom is robbed of its promised fruit.

Oh, how many who were once firm in the faith have lost it in this manner! May we not think that many of those who have fallen away would not have done so if they had practised their religion and avoided reading bad books and newspapers? They, too, thought it would not hurt them; but they gradually inhaled the poison which brought on death. Therefore, O Christian father, take warning!

II. On Visiting Public Houses

We need scarcely remark that in mentioning public houses among things to be avoided it is not our intention to condemn visits to decent and proper public houses. What fault can after all be found with a father who, visiting a decent public house, takes a moderate glass with his friends, and thus finds that recreation and rest which he may need after the toils and fatigue of the day? It is only excess in this point that deserves blame and censure, and against which one should be on one’s guard. Not the least among the unfavorable effects of visiting public houses is the fact that the father loses more or less that spirit of piety and the fear of the Lord which is of the greatest importance to his children.

It is perhaps especially on Sunday that such unseasonable recreation is taken, and where then shall we look for the blessing and sanctity of that day, on which the existence and progress of the spiritual life depends in so high a degree? Or what can remain of the fruits of the Sunday when a great part of the forenoon, and still a greater part of the afternoon until late in the night, is wasted in a tavern? In this way all religious sentiment and life is rendered void, or injured by the mischievous atmosphere which is generally found there. What wonder then that the spiritual life, which finds little or no nourishment during the week, dies out by degrees. No one who understands the matter can doubt that the principal reason of the religious and moral depravity of many is to be found in a neglect to observe the Sunday properly. There is nothing so detrimental to a proper observance of the Sunday as spending the time in a tavern.¹1As we have the father in view here, how greatly does not a disorderly tavern life lessen the blessings of the Sunday for his household, for his children! The Sunday cannot long appear to them a holy and sacred day when experience teaches them that it is precisely on this day that the father is not to be found at home; that it is on Sunday he passes the greater part of his time in the tavern, and when he comes home in the evening, or perhaps late at night, they notice that he is under the influence of liquor, or perhaps even drunk. This bad example counteracts the good impressions which that sacred day is so well calculated to impress on their minds. How easily could that day be made the occasion of true Christian joy and recreation, when father, mother, and children, seated about the dinner or supper-table (which is better supplied on Sunday than other days), exchange their thoughts and views, and socially and pleasantly entertain each other. The rest from servile work, the feeling that it is an extraordinary day, conduces to this end. And then how beneficial and salutary is not such a scene in the family life. Now all this vanishes when the father spends the time in the tavern and when he shows the disgusting signs of intemperance. Sunday evenings are tedious, tiresome, and unpleasant, for the father is not there; and the poor mother cannot be very happy, expecting as she does the husband to return late, and who knows in what condition? Poor wife, poor children! It is very sad.

But aside from the Sunday. If a man spends the most of his time in the tavern or public house the true Christian spirit cannot abide in him. It is a dangerous and slippery road, leading by degrees to the fatal vice of drunkenness; for by repeated and prolonged visits to the tavern you acquire an inclination and passion for drinking. The fact that one cannot refrain from visiting the tavern at certain times indicates a passion unworthy of a Christian and injurious to piety. The impressions received at such places are not calculated to aid you in acquiring pious sentiments; on the contrary, all you see, hear, and do, the conversation, the reading, the singing, etc., is disadvantageous to you, and its continued repetition will more and more estrange your heart from a Christian habit of life. And when, as is frequently the case in large places, every day that God gives you is spent in the tavern, how can Christian piety live and flourish?

Now, Christian father, what has been your habit in this matter? You will find perhaps that you are not guiltless of some excess or other in this regard. We therefore counsel you to retrace your steps and enter upon the path that leads to Christian moderation and regularity. If you do not it is greatly to be feared that you will render yourself unfit to fulfil one of the holiest obligations towards your children.

Far be it from us to deny you proper and necessary recreation; on the contrary, we would encourage you to enjoy it, but of course under certain conditions. Reflect for a moment. Ask yourself if the recreation which you need can be found only in the tavern. There are many men in the same circumstances as you are who seldom or never visit the tavern, and yet they are contented and enjoy life. Experience teaches that he who seeks recreation exclusively in the tavern does not taste the true joys of life. If you had learned and accustomed yourself to seek amusement and recreation in your own family circle, in the society of your wife and children, or in the company of select friends and acquaintances, you would find pleasures more refreshing and beneficial than can be found in the atmosphere of the promiscuous company to be met with at the tavern.

But we do not intend to argue the question here. We admit that after all it is your own business; that the visit to a decent public house and the company found there is not so easily dispensed with. If you think so, very well; but observe discretion and moderation. This is not a matter of opinion, it is an obligation. It is your duty to see to it that your visits to the tavern do not become a passion, a habit, or a necessity; in a word, that you do not become a slave. You must give up the daily visits and by degrees habituate yourself to stay at home. Can you not do this? If not, your passion is of a very serious nature, and you may well ask if your conduct is not disgraceful to yourself and to those whom you love.

Be careful not to idle away your time in the tavern, day or night. Does it not occur to you that to pass hour after hour thus is unbecoming and disgraceful? It is bad enough for any man, but it is especially bad for the father of a family to have the habit of staying out late at night in such places. Nothing is so destructive of true Christian morality.

But this advice is useless unless you resolve to lay down certain fixed rules for yourself on this point, rules from which you will not deviate unless for very grave reasons. The first rule refers to time. It is this: Remain only so long and no longer; never pass the appointed time—never; go home at a fixed hour and permit nothing to detain you beyond that time.

As to drinking, let it be so much and no more! Never any more under any circumstances whatever. You may say this is impossible—very hard to do. It is hard of course to keep your resolution in many cases, particularly if the disorderly life above described has become a habit; but it is not impossible. Remember, dear friend, how often you have overcome even greater difficulties when you were convinced that it had to be done and that it was for your own good.

Now it is not only your own welfare that is here at stake, but also that of your children. We have explained above how a life such as you have been leading will destroy in you all sentiment of religion, deprive your children of the advantages of a Christian education, and ruin you and them. It is your duty to reform your life; your own welfare and that of your children depend on it. It requires earnestness and fixedness of purpose; those alone succeed who are earnest and persevering.

III. Do Not Fail to Practise the Christian Life

This is an essential condition for the education of children. The father must therefore be a Christian and lead a truly Christian life. As there is so much at stake, the father should avoid everything that might make the acquisition and possession of Christian piety difficult.

But, even with the best intentions, this cannot be done so thoroughly that there will not remain danger and difficulty for the father. It is therefore necessary to use the proper means to strengthen and increase the spirit of Christian piety in the father’s heart, so that he may overcome all difficulties and dangers. These means, so necessary for all conditions of life, are well known; it will be proper, however, and even necessary to mention them here for the benefit of fathers, and to explain how and why the faithful and fervent use of these means is of more than ordinary importance.

1. In What Does the Christian Life Consist?

The first means is to frequently ask yourself the above question. A man must have an interest in a thing before he will take an interest in it. Who will interest himself in a matter that he cares nothing about? If a father cares nothing about piety and the fear of the Lord he will trouble himself very little about the means of acquiring them, and will care little about them.

All depends on this, that a man be animated by the spirit of true piety and the fear of the Lord. This is the only task imposed on man by God. All other means should be used to attain this great object. This is according to the intention and will of God. When this short life has passed away and the future taken its place everything that was dear to man’s heart in this world will have lost its importance forever. One thing alone will retain its value, and that is true piety and the fear of the Lord. They who have practised these faithfully will be eternally happy, while they who did not will be eternally miserable.

And having a father in view we must not forget his children; according as he practises or neglects the above virtues they will follow in his footsteps, and consequently they will be eternally happy or miserable with him.

Of how great importance then is it not for a father to be actuated by sincere Christian piety and the fear of the Lord. Everything depends on this. It is a question of his and his children’s temporal and eternal welfare.

This, Christian father, I shall often recall to your mind, in order that you may not forget yourself amid the anxieties and distractions of life. Interrogate yourself frequently and say: What is my purpose, my object, in all my temporal affairs, in my work, business, and cares? What other purpose could I have in striving to gain this good or to avoid that evil but my own welfare and that of my children? Now there is nothing so intimately connected with my welfare and that of my children as the practice of the virtue of piety and the fear of the Lord; nothing that can bring such great evils on me and my children as the neglect of this exercise by indifference and sin.

Now what inference should you draw from all this? “It is right and just that nothing should be so near to my heart as the faithful and persevering exercise of piety and the fear of God.”

What is necessary to obtain this? The answer will show us the other means.

2. Prayer

Say especially your morning and evening prayers. This must be an invariable rule. He who does not recite at least a short prayer mornings and evenings shows that if the spiritual life is not totally extinct in him it is at least in a decaying condition. Now in consequence of this neglect the spiritual life will surely decay as a man is carried away by worldly cares and gives himself up to sin. Or must he not lose all sense of higher things when he does not recall to mind the eternal truths and his high destiny at least at the beginning and end of the day? And then his poverty of grace! Our holy faith teaches us that man is incapable of avoiding sin without the divine assistance, incapable of fulfilling the obligations which he must fulfil in order to be saved. In the ordinary course of divine providence man will only receive God’s helping grace when he asks for it in a proper manner. For this reason every Christian should, particularly in the morning, beseech of the Lord the grace that he needs to overcome all temptations during the day, to live and to act during that day according to his divine pleasure. If he does not pray he may very likely lack that grace, and what then will be the consequence? He will waver in temptation, stagger and fall; that day will be void of works pleasing to God and meritorious for eternity; that day, instead of being the means of bringing him near to God, may bring him nearer to hell. And what shall we say if he habitually neglects his prayers? Now if it be true, as we have shown above, that men and fathers are in greater danger of being carried away by temporal affairs, that they are assailed more frequently and by stronger temptations, is not morning and evening prayer a double necessity to them? There can be no doubt that the omission and neglect of this simple and easy exercise is the principal cause why men—fathers—are imbued with so little of the Christian spirit and true piety, to the great injury of their children.

We have called the punctual observance of the morning and evening devotions a simple and easy task. Is it not? On rising, while dressing, or on your knees, or standing if you choose, you can recollect yourself and reflect on what your purpose is to-day; you can resolve to lead a Christian life, and then by reciting an Our Father and a Hail Mary beseech the Lord for his assistance, invoking at the same time the assistance of the Holy Mother of God and the saints. You can do the same in the evening before retiring to rest; you can offer up to God an appropriate prayer of thanksgiving, ask pardon, and recommend yourself to God’s merciful protection. Is it hard to do this? Can you make excuse that you have no time? Where is the man who has no time to spare to take the necessary food for his support? Now daily prayers are to our souls in a certain sense what food is to our body; without it the soul pines away and finally dies.

O Christian father, for your own sake and for the love you bear your children, make it an invariable rule to always say your morning and evening prayers. Must not a single glance at your children move you to this duty? They likewise need that grace and protection which is obtained by prayer.

A few years ago a celebrated Jesuit father gave a course of lectures to the men of the higher class of society in a certain city. In the concluding lecture, the subject of which was, what they should do in order to persevere and render fruitful the good acquired during the mission, he said: “One of the first and principal means is to assist at the daily sacrifice of the Mass.” We do not know whether the advice of the pious father was followed or not; we however heartily approve of it.

Why do so few men assist at the daily sacrifice of the Mass? Is it less necessary for them than for women? We have shown above that it is more necessary for men, on account of the greater dangers to which they are exposed and the greater difficulties they encounter. Or are men so circumstanced that they cannot attend? Have they no time? Of course some have not. But how many would have time if they took the trouble to rise half an hour earlier? They could if they had a mind to. What a daily blessing that would be! How greatly would the holy sacrifice strengthen and fortify the Christian spirit! How abundantly would it draw down the blessings of heaven upon their daily actions; blessings in which the children may participate if the father, while assisting at Mass, remembers them and recommends them to the care and protection of Him who was the children’s friend.

3. “Remember That Thou Keep Holy the Sabbath Day”

We have advisedly quoted here God’s own words. Is it not probable, that as he insists so positively on the sanctification of that day, that his “Remember” was in a special manner addressed to men—to fathers? Who stand more in need of sanctifying the Sunday? If, as has been said above, the avocations of the majority of men have a tendency to draw their minds away from spiritual things and lead them astray in various ways, of what importance is the Sunday, particularly for them? God enjoins rest from all worldly and servile work or occupation. Man thereby having leisure to enter into himself, to occupy his mind with the affairs of his higher calling, rekindles in himself the flames of holy desires, and thus divine grace increases in his heart and he becomes a new man.

But what if a man or father cares not to renew his spirit on this sacred day, if he does not refrain from servile work, if he occupies his mind with worldly cares and has little or no regard for God’s word or for pious and devout exercises? Does it not reflect disgrace on his character as a Christian, and will not his soul be lost?

O Christian father, keep the Sunday holy according to God’s will. Be convinced that to work out your salvation, it is necessary to be a good Christian; that is, a good father to your children. Who can doubt that this is your sacred duty on account of the good example which you are obliged to give? It is necessary for the eternal welfare of your children that they learn and become early accustomed to keep the Sunday holy, according to the most holy will of God. Will they do this when they see how careless and indifferent their father is on this point? But we only mention this in passing. We are speaking here of the worthy observance of the Sunday, as it is a means, a most necessary means, for a father to preserve and strengthen within him a true Christian spirit. And indeed in the worthy observance of the Sunday alone you have an almost certain proof that he is a true Christian father, and as such will give his children a true Christian education. Let this then be your inviolable rule: All work, all worldly cares must cease on Sunday unless in case of necessity! “It is the day of the Lord, thou shalt do no work on it,” says the Lord. To excite devotion and fervor, to strengthen yourself to work out your eternal salvation, is what you must aim at on Sunday. Therefore, as far as circumstances will permit, assist devoutly at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, hear the word of God, assist at the other sacred services of the Church, read pious books, etc. And then if you wish to recreate and amuse yourself you will not pass the bounds of moderation.

Happy that family whose father, and consequently all the other members, keep the Sunday holy in this manner. The spirit of Christian piety will flourish more and more, and the most precious gifts of heaven will be poured into its bosom.

It only remains now to treat of one more means to acquire and preserve a true Christian spirit, and this is the crown of all the rest.

4. Arise and Eat

Thus the angel addressed the prophet Elias when he was fleeing from the wrath of Jezabel. He was fatigued by his journey in the desert, and “he sat under a juniper tree” and fell asleep. The angel touched him, and said to him: “Arise and eat; for thou hast yet a great way to go” (III. Kings xix. 7).

How often do you receive holy communion? If you observe those who approach the table of the Lord on Sundays and holy days you will find that, as a rule, the number of women far exceeds that of the men. You may perhaps see some men, but very few. We will not, however, be too severe. We will grant for a moment that it appears to be more natural for women than for men to receive frequently the Holy Sacrament; that on this point every one is inclined to be indulgent if they do not receive so frequently. But this “not so frequently” occurs too often, and it is to be regretted that the appearance of men at the altar rails is of so rare occurrence, for their absence is very apt to awaken grave fears, particularly if they are fathers.

What is the reason of all this? Can you find an explanation or an excuse for it in the position fathers occupy? Should we not expect them to receive holy communion more frequently? What is the reason?

Is it perhaps not necessary to receive holy communion frequently? We have seen that men, in order to lead a Christian life, have to overcome greater difficulties, that they meet with greater dangers, and that they have harder battles to fight than women. Men, therefore, need greater grace than women. And where will they find more strength, courage, and grace than in the worthy reception of the sacraments of penance and the Holy Eucharist? No one who understands the ways of the spiritual life can deny that one of the principal reasons why men possess so little sentiment and feeling for divine things, why they are so attached to the world and to sin, is that they seldom receive the holy sacraments. The spiritual life becomes weak because it receives only at long intervals that nourishment which our divine Saviour left for that purpose; and consequently the spiritual life dies out. “Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood you shall not have life in you” (John, vi. 54).

The life of the body must be sustained and strengthened by daily food and nourishment; the life of the soul likewise needs food and strength, which is given by divine grace. Now this food, strength, and grace the Lord has prepared for us in a special manner in the sacrament of the Holy Eucharist; there the Christian must seek it. If he neglect it, the grace necessary to work out his salvation will be wanting. The Lord will withhold it from him because he does not use the means provided by him to obtain it.

O fathers! would that you all understood how necessary holy communion is to you in order to acquire and persevere in piety! How necessary for you to receive frequently this holy food, as it is the means to acquire that piety which is of such importance to you and so necessary for the good education of your children.²2It must be observed that a becoming zeal in receiving holy communion is all the more a duty of the father, on account of his obligation to give his children good example in this important matter. Will the children go to communion often if the father is negligent in this duty?

And why not? Why do you so seldom receive holy communion? Is it impossible for you to receive it more frequently? Confess the truth; it all depends on your own will. He who earnestly and sincerely wills it will find every few weeks the time necessary for confession and communion. But the fact is, the real reason why these holy sacraments are so seldom received lies in the want of love of God, in the want of zeal for your soul’s salvation.

Here then you should resolve to keep this as a sacred rule: To frequently receive holy communion. This will cherish and foster the spirit of Christian piety within you. This will give you strength and power to overcome the difficulties you may meet with in the practice of virtue. This will, in a special manner, make you a good Christian father.