p. 63Two Model Fathers

I. Abraham.—Mixed Marriages

The last two subjects which we have treated of call to mind two model fathers, of whom the Holy Scriptures give us an account. The first is Abraham. He lived among a heathen and immoral people, and wishing to choose a wife for his son Isaac he was careful that none of the daughters of that people should become his son’s wife, lest their evil example might lead him astray. He therefore sent the elder servant of his house, the faithful Eliezer, and commanded him to go to his (Abraham’s) own country and kindred, and there select a virtuous wife for his son. And how earnestly did not Abraham devote himself to this duty! Eliezer was obliged to swear that he would faithfully execute the orders of his master: “Put thy hand under my thigh,” said Abraham to him, “that I may make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and earth, that thou take not a wife for my son of the daughters of the Chanaanites, among whom I dwell: but that thou go to my own country and kindred, and take a wife from thence for my son Isaac” (Gen. xxiv. 2, 3, 4). And Eliezer did as his master commanded him to do; he selected Batheul’s daughter, the noble Rebecca, and God’s blessing was on this union.

There is no doubt that among the daughters of the Chanaanites there were many remarkable for their beauty and other accomplishments, and possessed of great riches. An alliance with a daughter of the country in which he dwelt might have been of great advantage to Abraham; but he cared not for temporal gain, the honor of God and the spiritual welfare of his son was of more importance to him. His sole object was that his son should have a wife who feared the Lord and did his holy will.

Would to God that all fathers thought and acted thus! How much happier would the marriages of their children be for time and eternity!

These words of Abraham, “That thou take not a wife for my son of the daughters of the Chanaanites,” are of very great importance, and should not be passed over without comment, as they have reference to mixed marriages. May we hope that every Christian father will in this matter follow the noble example of Abraham? It should be his principle never to consent that his son or daughter enter into a matrimonial alliance with a non-Catholic. A father whose heart clings to his faith and Church cannot be indifferent about the religious faith of those whom his son or daughter intend to take as partners for life for better or for worse. We regret that our limited space does not permit us to treat of this subject more at length; we will therefore confine ourselves to a few remarks.

There is certainly no more intimate relationship than that which exists between man and wife. “And they shall be two in one flesh.” How intimately, then, should the hearts of man and wife be united! But can this be the case if there is no unity of feeling and sentiment in matters of religion, if they not only have not the same religious convictions, but, on the contrary, hold different and antagonistic doctrines? Real and true conjugal happiness can never be enjoyed in such mixed marriages. If the married couple are both indifferent to religion and faith their life will not be disturbed by differences of religious belief, but they cannot enjoy true and permanent conjugal happiness, for this is only possible where there is religion and faith. The difference in religion, then, even when neither man nor wife is particularly devoted to his or her particular faith, will yet more or less disturb the peace of their hearts. Habits, customs, associations, and relationships constantly clash and create a cause of permanent discontent and dissatisfaction. If a father, then, thinks to benefit his child by consenting to a mixed marriage because of the promise of temporal advantages he is greatly mistaken. The anticipated happiness is a delusion. And it must not be forgotten that the non-Catholic party may sooner or later make use of the supposed right of divorce and marry another. Will not the mere possibility of this make the Catholic party very unhappy?

But this is not the greatest danger arising from mixed marriages. The Catholic party and his or her children run a great risk, for such marriages are dangerous to their spiritual welfare. How easy for the Catholic party to lose that lively faith and Catholic spirit which animates his or her bosom, and to grow careless in the practices of the faith when the non-Catholic party looks on them with contempt, and ridicules and laughs at them! He who understands the instability of the human will and the weakness of the human heart will readily admit that there is, under such circumstances, great danger of growing lukewarm and indifferent and finally losing the faith.

But what can we think of mixed marriages when we reflect on the fate of the children! We assume as a matter of course that there was before the marriage an understanding or contract that all the children must be brought up in the Catholic faith. Without an understanding of this kind such marriages are not permitted; the Church has strictly forbidden them. But after all, is this promise, so solemnly made—granting its sincerity—a sufficient security that the children will be brought up in the Catholic faith? What if the non-Catholic party, influenced by friends and relations, should prove unfaithful to the promise given? Such cases are not rare. Or what if circumstances compel a removal to a non-Catholic neighborhood, where there is no church, no priest, no Catholic school? Or the Catholic party may die and the children be left to the non-Catholic party, who may very probably marry again, and a Protestant at that. How then can the children receive a good Catholic education?

Alas, how sad, in most cases, is the fate of those poor children born of mixed marriages! And what a responsibility rests on him who, through negligence or carelessness, has been the cause of such sad consequences? Perhaps the parents of those who have contracted mixed marriages are most to blame, in as much as they did not do their duty and try to prevent such marriages. What a judgment awaits them!

But even in the most favorable cases, where there is no obstacle to prevent the children from being brought up in the Catholic faith, still the Catholic education of such children cannot be called perfect. We have frequently remarked that if the education of the children is to be conducted according to the will of God the father and mother must unite in the work and lead them by word and example to be Christian men and women. Now even if the Catholic party be animated by the faith and the Catholic spirit (which, however, in mixed marriages is very rarely the case) yet there can be no Catholic education worth mentioning. It is a matter of halves, and one half of the teaching faculty is wanting. The Protestant does not and cannot contribute to the education of the Catholic child. The education is therefore imperfect.

But how will it be with the education of the Catholic child when it is confided to the care of a Protestant mother? Its mind is formed from infancy, and impressions made in infancy remain in after life. But how can this non-Catholic mother infuse a Catholic spirit into her child, even if she would? The example of parents has much to do in the education of the children, hence what a great disadvantage to a child when its mother is wanting in this most important point—practice of the true faith? Besides, what impression is made on the heart of the child when it sees its father or mother so careless in those things which it is taught to consider of so much importance, and when it sees that what is dear to the Catholic heart is looked upon as superstition by the non-Catholic parent?

A true Catholic education is impossible in mixed marriages, and thus the child is deprived of that which is most important to its salvation.

You cannot appeal to the fact that the Church grants dispensations in certain cases and under certain conditions. The Church positively disapproves of such unions; and if in certain cases she does not prevent them or appears in a way to countenance them she does so with a heavy heart and to avoid a greater evil, for she holds such marriages to be evil. This follows from the nature of the case. For how can a person who is animated by a true Catholic spirit enter into such a union without having the most grave reasons, when he knows that the person with whom he is united by the bonds of marriage does not agree with him in that which he considers of the greatest importance? A true Catholic struggles against it, but if he have not these sentiments it is a sign that he is already perverted, and in mixed marriages such perversion will increase.

For this reason, then, a Christian father will always discountenance mixed marriages and use his influence to prevent them.

II. Tobias

Tobias is a beautiful companion picture to the great patriarch Abraham. Being a captive in Assyria he was compelled to send his son, the younger Tobias, to Gabelus, who dwelt in the city of Rages, in the land of the Medes. But how careful he was to procure a trustworthy guide, who might advise and protect him on his long journey. “Go now,” said he to his son, “and seek thee out some faithful man to go with thee” (Tob. v. 4). Tobias was a man of prayer, and whilst his son was obeying his order he undoubtedly prayed that the Lord might send him a good guide. We know how God sent the angel Raphael to be the guardian of the son of his faithful servant. When the angel approached him under the appearance of a young man Tobias said, “Canst thou conduct my son to Gabelus at Rages, a city of the Medes? and when thou shalt return I will pay thee thy hire.” Then he dismissed the travellers, saying: “May you have a good journey, and God be with you in your way and his Angel accompany you.” And when they had departed and the mother began to weep he consoled her with these prophetic words: “Weep not, our son will arrive thither safe, and will return safe to us; and thy eyes shall see him. For I believe that the good Angel of God doth accompany him and doth order all things well that are done, so that he shall return to us with joy.” We know that his hope was verified.

This beautiful history shows also that God himself will take good care of the children of pious parents when they recommend them to his protection, especially if circumstances compel them to be absent from home. When therefore a Christian father and mother do their best to render the situation of their children safe, and do not fail to pray for them, the Lord will take charge of them and protect them, though not in such a wonderful manner as he did Tobias. “For he hath given his angels charge over thee: to keep thee in thy ways: in their hands they shall bear thee up; lest thou dash thy foot against a stone” (Psalm xc. 11, 12).

Inasmuch as we have made mention of this most excellent father, who is in every respect a most admirable model for every man and father of a family, we advise every father to read the Book of Tobias. We cannot deny ourselves the pleasure of copying the fourth chapter of this history. It contains those beautiful admonitions which Tobias gave his son when he thought that the end of life was near at hand.

“Hear, my son, the words of my mouth, and lay them as a foundation in thy heart. When God shall take my soul, thou shalt bury my body; and thou shalt honor thy mother all the days of her life: for thou must be mindful what and how great perils she suffered for thee in her womb. And when she also shall have ended the time of her life, bury her by me. And all the days of thy life have God in thy mind: and take heed thou never consent to sin, nor transgress the commandments of the Lord our God. Give alms out of thy substance, and turn not away thy face from any poor person: for so it shall come to pass that the face of the Lord shall not be turned from thee. According to thy ability be merciful. If thou have much, give abundantly; if thou have little, take care even so to bestow willingly a little; for thus thou storest up to thyself a good reward for the day of necessity. For alms deliver from all sin, and from death, and will not suffer the soul to go into darkness. Alms shall be a great confidence before the most high God, to all them that give it. Take heed to keep thyself, my son, from all fornication, and beside thy wife never endure to know a crime. Never suffer pride to reign in thy mind, or in thy words: for from it all perdition took its beginning. If any man hath done any work for thee, immediately pay him his hire: and let not the wages of thy hired servant stay with thee at all. See thou never do to another what thou wouldst hate to have done to thee by another. Eat thy bread with the hungry and the needy; and with thy garments cover the naked. Lay out thy bread and thy wine upon the burial of a just man; and do not eat and drink thereof with the wicked. Seek counsel always of a wise man. Bless God at all times, and desire of him to direct thy ways, and that all thy counsels may abide in him. Fear not, my son; we lead indeed a poor life, but we shall have many good things if we fear God, and depart from all sin and do that which is good” (Tob. iv.).